hurricane humberto

okay, its been a really long time and I have a lot of things to write about, but I couldn't pass this title up. I'm sure you have heard about Hurricane Humberto on the news, its a sad story, I always hate hurricane season. not to make light of the situation for sure, but when I saw the hurricane's name on the TV screen I couldn't help but laugh. Hurricane Humberto could be the title of my life right now, the theme. my boyfriend, Rob, of more than a year's given name is Humberto Sanjuan. he changed his name to Robert a few years ago. anyway, I guess we "broke up" a few weeks ago, and the events that have occurred in it's wake really have felt like a hurricane just wrecking my life. ...I thought we were happy, things were going really well. we had just gotten over a small bump in the road, and things were good. I was about to move and become homeless for a few weeks until my apartment was ready, and he was excited to let me stay with him, and so was I.

two days before I had to move, I needed a different jack to change my tire so I called him. his phone was off. I left a message and sent a txt, but never heard back. I called the next day, same thing. phone off. I was homeless. so, I called some other friends and stayed with them for 2 nights before I headed to Australia (details of which will be in the next post, I swear). so, the next night after another phone call and an ignored email, I showed up at his place and knocked on the door a few times. he was there, but didn't answer. so, I went to Australia for 10 days, and never heard a word. I was in touch with his best friend and my new friend Leiner who told me he was doing the same to him. a couple days after I got back, rested from the jet lag, got out of the crystal inn and found a place to stay, I tried calling again, no answer. I emailed him, to be honest, it was kind of a harsh email, but who can blame me. two hours later he txted me and said, "I'm ok, and I'm not mad at you. I'm sorry for everything." I was confused, and tried to get more out of him, but he was more interested in asking me how my day was and how Australia was. frustrated out of my mind, I stopped answering his txts. the next night he txted again to see how I was. he was sick. I frankly didn't care much, so they were short texts. then I didn't hear from him for about another week.

when I talked to Leiner last week he told me that he found out that Rob has been dating his wife - their divorce isn't final. and when he confronted him about it, Rob didn't say much and they haven't spoken since. I was furious. not just for me, but for Leiner too. I still can't believe he would do that to his best friend. the one he has always considered the brother he never had. so, I went to his apartment, he was there, I pounded on the door. he didn't answer. I pounded again, no answer. I called, he ignored it. so, I left... in tears. I cried for a while, maybe an hour or two, but then I swore I wouldn't waste any more tears on him, and I haven't cried again.

I can't explain how I feel. without going into too much detail of private information, I gave him more than anyone else I have ever dated. I gave him my all. I trusted him when my gut told me to be more careful. I was extremely patient with the smaller than baby steps he was taking with me, even though it was sometimes hurtful. I did everything he asked me to, I was ALWAYS there for him, no matter what. I wanted to be with him, I was sure he was the one, and I did everything I knew it would take to make sure things worked. so, as you can imagine, I feel taken advantage of. I feel sort of abused. but, mostly I feel very very unloved. he told me he loved me, and there were many times he showed it and I believed him, but I have every reason to believe he was lying. every few days I learn something new, something he lied to me about. it has been a whirlwind, and it really does feel like a hurricane.

right now I'm not sure I'm ever going to date again. life is moving on, and is good most of the time. I still LOVE my job, and the new apartment is great, and so is living with Amber and Holly. I may have the energy to start rebuilding my life and my self-esteem, and self worth. I am going to be more than ok, I am sure of it. in the meantime, I just hope the storm subsides and I make it to shore ok...