thankful thursday

it's Thanksgiving! I'm down in southern Utah with the fam, and couldn't be happier about it. I can't help but think about all the blessings I have in my life. who doesn't do that on Thanksgiving? so, here are some of the things on my list:

* my family. I don't know what I would do without them. we are closer than most families, and I don't say that lightly. have you ever watched Brothers & Sisters? we are close like that, but the flip side is that we have that much drama in our lives too. maybe more. it's all good though. we get through it all together and there's no better way to deal with it.

* my job. I couldn't be more grateful for a job than I am right now. I know several people that have been unemployed far too long and still don't have any leads. and not only am I simply employed, but it's by one of the best companies ever to work for. work is fun, and everyone in the office is too.

* my faith. the good part about losing your faith is finding it again. for those of you that have experienced it, I'm sure you know exactly what I am talking about. it's indescribable.

* my friends. no matter how old I get I will always need good friends. and I have some amazing ones. I don't make new friends easily, and that makes me even more grateful for the ones that have stuck around over the years. I couldn't have asked for better friends.

what more could anyone ask for?

losing my religion

okay, time for a serious post... I love being a Mormon. I love that I know where I came from, why I am here, and where I am going. I love the peace this gospel brings into my life. but mostly, I LOVE temples. look at how beautiful the salt lake temple is! I love what goes on in there and I love how close I feel to God when I attend. I love the covenants I made with God, and I love what keeping those covenants does for my life. but lately I feel like temples are the only thing keeping me going.

I remember when I was younger, especially when I was in young women's and my frist couple of years in the relief society of a student ward. back then, I thrived on everything the church said. the only reasoning I ever needed for anything was, "because the prophet said so." but now, its not that simple for me. I wonder if this is part of growing up, and faith changes with sophistication, or if I am indeed losing my religion. I really hope thats not the case, because I love it, and I never want to let it go. but, sometimes it has lost its charm. Not that it needs charm, but it seems to be missing something that I need. ....maybe it is just my inquisitive nature finally coming out, but I need more things explained than I used to. things aren't black and white to me anymore. And I find myself frustrated at times that we are told that things just are black and white, that they just are. I believe things are more complex than that. God is more complex than that, and maybe I won't fully understand it all until the next life, but what am I supposed to do until then??