monumental

My initial reaction to Obama announcing his support for same-sex marriage was less than stellar. Trust me, it shocked me too. But, the first thing I thought was, "WHAT IS HE THINKING? HOW COULD HE HAVE EVER THOUGHT THAT MAKING THIS ANNOUNCEMENT BEFORE THE ELECTION WAS A GOOD IDEA?!" And yes, using all caps for these thoughts is necessary. In fact, I'm sure that my entire chat conversation with Brad, who bears the brunt of all of my initial reactions, was in caps. I was literally terrified that it was over. That there was no way he was going to win reelection now. 


As I stared at the screen I heard my dad's voice in my head. Just as plain as day. He said, "It's over Christa. Obama doesn't have a snowball's chance in Hell to win reelection." Then I imagined him giggling and performing a little victory dance in front of me with that smirky grin he always had during moments like this. I was completely bummed. 

Later that night my political strategist mind finally gave in and let me look at this with my bleeding heart instead. I was overcome with pride. There have actually been several moments over the past 3 years of Obama's presidency when I have felt a sense of pride, but never like I did in this moment. I suddenly understood how monumental this was. The president of the United States, the most powerful person in our country, in the world, was voicing his support for gay rights and equality. ...wow!


This is something I wasn't sure I would ever see in my lifetime. It's actually astonishing how much hatred of gay people still exists in the world. Obama obviously believes in this issue so much that he is willing to risk his reelection and his reputation among world leaders. And then I wondered what it must feel like to be a gay person in this moment.  If I, as a white American straight woman, felt this much pride and excitement, it must be extremely overwhelming for them. 


I still don't know if I will ever actually see gay marriage become legal in the entire United States in my lifetime. There is a lot of work to be done, but just over the past few years a lot of strides have been made. And Obama's announcement was a giant leap in the movement. Here are a few of my favorite things in the wake of it all. 


Jane Lynch on Rachel Maddow - The Best New Thing In The World Today

checking in

Last week, this happened. It was happening while my siblings were on their way to my house for the weekend. So, I was busy cleaning my apartment and blowing up an air mattress while shoppers at my neighborhood grocery store were being randomly stabbed with a kitchen knife. I didn't hear about it until the next day and when I did I realized that it's never taken me that long to hear big news like that before. I should have received a phone call from my dad during the local news asking me if I had been stabbed. But, I didn't. Nobody worried about me or wondered if I was ok. While things like that happening in my neighborhood are always sad and disturbing to hear, this was the first time it had made me feel completely alone.

It's been getting easier to get back into the swing of things and live life day to day, but the pain isn't subsiding. Little moments like this one remind me how much I'm missing without him, sometimes several times a day. And I still have moments where it seems impossible. That there is no way I am never going to see or speak with my dad again. In these moments life feels too long and extremely empty.

I always loved getting those check-in calls from my dad when he was watching the news, but I didn't realize just how much of an impact they had on me. As the only single and childless sibling in the family, it's very easy to feel lonely. My dad's calls reminded me that I wasn't alone and that I meant the world to him no matter what my circumstances were or where I was. I know that I still do, and I know that he is watching over me, but it's a difficult thing to feel. My feelings are all being used up by sorrow and grief.