grand canyon road trip!

back in May I took a drive to the Grand Canyon and Phoenix with Brad so he could check out the law school at ASU. we left in the evening and drove all night to the Grand Canyon and watched the sunrise. it was amazing! I still can't believe I never made it there until I was 29. so sad... I can't wait to go again and see much more of it.


Jaime met up with us in Phoenix and we hooked up with Jacque and went to their favorite sushi restaurant - Ra. soooo good! it was my second time there and I hope to go again. hopefully with the same awesome peeps.



we ran into a storm on the way home and I took this amazing pic from the car somewhere between Phoenix and Flagstaff.


it was a pretty awesome trip. and Brad loved it so he lives there now. very bittersweet. time to start planning a trip to visit!

time flies

it's been a REALLY long time. to be completely honest, I just didn't feel like posting. :) and well... I still don't. so, I'm just going to post a bunch of pics to catch up. I"m sure you would all rather look than read anyway, right?

Series finale party for LOST. I made epic Kahlua Pork and Dharma beer. It was so much fun watching the best ending ever to the best show ever with two of my besties: Holly and Janiel.

THE SWELL SEASON! My first concert at Red Butte and my second time seeing Glen and Marketa in concert. They were even better this time, which is hard to believe! And it was so fun experiencing it with Jenny and Lindsay.




Trajan turned 1!!! He is the best nephew I could ask for and the most adorable little blond boy ever. It was a fun dinosaur birthday party.


Lake Powell!! I hadn't been in YEARS! It was so much fun. It was Brad's first time there, too. It is still one of the most beautiful places on Earth and I can't wait to go back.


I love my family. I spent as much time with them as I possibly could.





Cakes! We made a ton. We're getting much better and that's making it a lot of fun.





...that's it for now. but, there's a lot more to come!

through the woods

these past two months have been the scariest I've had in a long time. but, I made it through! I felt calm going into surgery which was shocking. and the first thing I heard when I woke up was the nurse canceling my room for the night and explaining that I would be going home. I immediately starting grabbing my neck to make sure they had gone through with it. that was a mistake. grasping a fresh incision is never a good idea. it was there alright and I then realized how hot I was and began kicking. everything was hazy and strange... and then I was wheeled into a tiny room where my family was waiting.

turns out the surgery was only two and a half hours instead of four because when my surgeon got in there he found a pretty healthy thyroid rather than a cancer-ridden one. so, he only took the right lobe and tumor and then closed me up, sent the tumor in for more testing and sent me home.

recovery hasn't exactly been a bowl of cherries but it has been a lot easier than I expected. after a few nights I got used to the pain that came with every toss and turn and I eventually found bandages that didn't try to eat the skin off my neck. Tylenol kept most of the pain away and the worst part was being so extremely tired and weak. but, it's been two weeks now and I'm back into the swing of things and feeling pretty normal.

I had my follow up with Dr. Sharma yesterday and he went over the results of the more detailed testing they did on the removed right lobe of my Thyroid. turns out the amount of cancer in the tumor was so miniscule that there is no chance it spread! so, I am left with a functioning Thyroid and no need for any chemo or iodine treatment! great news all around! the incision is healing pretty well, but there was a stitch knot sticking out that he removed for me. it's longer than I imagined it would be, but the scar will hardly be noticable when all is said and done.

my hormones do seem to be suffering. be careful everyone - I'm moody and a little emotional. in four months I will go in for more testing to see if I need medication to balance my THC levels but for now, everything is good. life goes on. a HUGE weight has been lifted. I am healthy again!

I can't even begin to thank everyone enough. I got so many flowers and cards and visits and prayers and calls... I am so lucky to have such amazing friends and family! thank you all so much!!! I hope I can repay you all somehow...

fear

I have been scared of a lot of things in my life. Things such as heights, snakes, semi trucks, guns, etc. But the things that I fear don't compare at all. My fears have weighed on me for as long as I can remember. They run deep. And they aren't there without reason. For one, I fear becoming an old maid. This is because I was raised Mormon in a small town. All I knew was that marriage and babies came before 20. Although I am very happy, I have far surpassed that cultural deadline.

I fear losing those closest to me. I've been to a lot of funerals that hit way too close to home and my dad has miraculously survived 5 heart attacks. To this day unexpected phone calls from family and close friends tie my stomach in knots and suspend my breathing.

I fear failure. Losing everything I have worked for and/or everything I own would be completely devastating. I have a deep sense of accomplishment that keeps me going every day. I'm not sure how I would function without it.

But most of all, I fear for my health. And more specifically, I fear cancer. The idea that something could take control of my body by slowly and quietly killing it while there is still no cure, has haunted me most of my life. My Grandma Ekker survived breast cancer. I was too young when it happened to know all of the details, but I knew she was changed. She had a mastectomy and was forever changed physically. But, I noticed a deeper change. I felt that it had knocked the wind out of her soul. Life weighed heavier on her. Since then I have seen cancer suck the life out of many. And not just those suffering from it but from everyone around them. It's draining. It's taxing. It's harsh and unforgiving. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy and I have continually prayed to keep it far from me and those I love.

Five weeks ago I went in for my annual physical. Despite the fact that I never had health insurance growing up and rarely saw doctors, I have made it a point to be very diligent about my health care. This was a normal day for me. Part of my yearly routine. But this time was different. My doctor found abnormal hormone levels and a high white blood cell count so he referred me to an Endocrinologist.

To make a long story short, I was diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism and the doctor decided to take a closer look. It took less then a few seconds for him to locate a large tumor on my Thyroid and decide to do an ultrasound. Because of the size and abnormality of the tumor I was instructed to get in for a biopsy as quickly as possible.

My doctor made every effort to put me at ease with the situation. I walked away feeling like everything would be fine, which made the days leading up to the biopsy a lot easier. However, it also sent me there very ill-prepared. It was one of the most painful things I have ever had to tolerate. I ended up nearly passing out from the pain and having to stay a while before I could be discharged. This put the fear back in me.

36 hours later my Endocrinologist called me with the news. All three of the samples taken for the biopsy had come back cancerous. Despite his best efforts to comfort me, the word cancer threw me for a loop. I wasn't prepared for it. I'm still not prepared for it... I spent the next couple days crying and then I hit the internet to educate myself about what was going on. It turns out that my doctors were right. If you have to have cancer, you want it to be Thyroid Cancer. And if you have to have Thyroid Cancer, you want it to be Papilary Thyroid Cancer which it turns out I have.

Two weeks later I met with my surgeon. My mom came with me for this appointment. We scheduled my surgery, a Total Thyroidectomy, for May 25 at LDS Hospital. I had about a month to prepare myself for the procedure. Despite all of the comfort I have received from my doctors, my research and my friends and family, I am scared to death. I have never been a patient in a hospital let alone undergone a 4 hour surgery removing one of my organs. I have had a hard time sleeping and I start to panic at least once a day. I have had very disturbing dreams that involve my insides coming out when the doctor slices my neck open.

I fear the surgery and I fear the effects it will have on me. A scar on my neck, critical medication for the rest of my life, yearly checkups to look for returning cancer cells, possible vocal chord damage, the painful recovery, and so much more. My mind won't stop coming up with more reasons to be scared. But, in less than 48 hours it will all be over with. I do have a few things to look forward to. For one, I will no longer have Hyperthyroidism. I look forward to never experiencing the symptoms of that again. Hopefully my metabolism will normalize as well.

The best thing that has come out of all of this is the realization of how many people care about me. Sometimes it's easy to forget that. I'm definitely loved.

I look forward to my post-surgery life. My life as a cancer survivor.

the swing of things - Feb. 2010 playlist

I spent February getting back into the swing of things. after going so long without a full-time job/normal daily routine, it took some work to get used to it all over again. I made this playlist to give me the energy to do so. I think it's one of my favorites of all time.

1. better. regina spektor
2. hideaway. the weepies
3. your ex-lover is dead. stars
4. merry happy. kate nash
5. the guy that says goodbye to you is out of his mind. griffin house
6. heart. stars
7. scars. allison iraheta
8. the way i am. didi benami
9. the truth. kris allen
10. you and i. ingrid michaelson
11. drifter. joanna
12. foundations. kate nash
13. the calculation. regina spektor
14. farewell. rosie thomas
15. ready to love again. lady antebellum
16. let it be. kris allen
17. far away. ingrid michaelson
18. come out of the shade. the perishers

enjoy!

MORE

it finally happened! I'm back in the working class again! it took a very long time. a LOT longer than I ever imagined. but, my new job was definitely worth the wait. I am the new Development Coordinator at The MORE Project. !!! (do those explanation marks give you an idea of how excited I am??)

it is perfect for me! I am a total bleeding heart and have always wanted to work for a nonprofit. from the moment I stumbled upon the website and throughout my series of interviews, I knew I wanted this job more than anything. and I have loved EVERY second since I was offered the position. it has given me more than I ever dreamed it could.

not only do I absolutely love what my work does for the poverty-stricken children and families in Brazil, but I love the every day things I do at the office. I also love everyone that I get to work with every day. I really don't think I could have found a better fit for me! so, here's to me FINALLY finding what I was meant to find.

and here's a shameless plug to end with - check out The MORE Project's website! there is so much you can do no matter how much you can give. I am amazed at the amount of support we get every day despite the horrible recession we are all dealing with. even if you can only give $5 a month, or $35 a month to sponsor one of the children in our program, it goes a LONG way and it is appreciated more than any of us can truly understand. so... yeah. I love my job!

looking up - Jan 2010 playlist

January was a great month. I got to spend new year's with Stacy, Wayne, Nynaeve, Trajan and Steve. We watched Beauty and the Beast and played Candy Land and Scrabble all night. It was perfect.

Then I got to fully cater a wedding in Provo, thanks to Riehl Events. It was my first big success as Crave Catering.

A week later I went to Hanksville with Steve to visit with family and see the sights. Pictures from that are in my last post.

I spent the next weekend in Wendover with Amber, Gregg and Brad. We got a sweet hotel room, ate some amazing buffets, listened to some live music, and gambled our pocket change away.

I watched all the seasons of Friday Night Lights. I'm obsessed! What an amazing show! I have fallen in love with Taylor Kirtsch and finally understand football.

A few days later I got a call from The MORE Project and was offered a position I had been dying to get! I couldn't be happier with it. It's an amazing organization and I work with great people. It is definitely worth the wait and all the hard work of these past several months.

While all of this was going down, I was listening to this playlist. It's perfect for everything this month meant to me.

looking up
1. july flame. laura veirs
2. walk over me. dirty blonde
3. i run to you. lady antebellum
4. devil town. bright eyes
5. begin again. colbie caillat
6. cigarrettes and rain. chris o'brien
7. don't you evah. spoon
8. fireflies. ron hope
9. i'm the only one. melissa etheridge
10. need you now. lady antebellum
11. i'm yours. ron pope
12. off i go. greg laswell
13. i want you back. colbie caillat
14. back to her. five way friday
15. chasing cars. natasha bedingfield
16. all we'd ever need. lady antebellum
17. hard times. dirty blonde
18. fearless. colbie caillat
19. sesame street. joshua radin

enjoy!

the beauty of home

I grew up in what the world calls "Majestic Southern Utah." I never understood why people were so enamoured by my natural surroundings. everything was so blah and drab. I hated the drive no matter where I was going. I hated the view from my windows. I hated every place my mom took us camping. all I ever wanted was to move somewhere green and wet and lively.

so, I did. I moved back east and smothered myself in trees. I even lived amongst the corn fields in Iowa for a while and I loved it. I savored every moment, every sunset, every view. I was heartbroken that I had lived in such an ugly place for so long.

a couple weeks ago I went home to visit my mom in Hanksville. it was very strange. I felt as though I had never been there before. I suddenly saw southern Utah through the eyes of a foreign tourist. every corner was a priceless painting I couldn't wait to see. everything was breathtaking. and it was even winter! I took a ton of pictures and just couldn't get enough.

that night as I was trying to fall asleep I suddenly felt a deep sorrow for wasting all those years wishing for something different. there are countless miles of beauty that I have never noticed or tried to discover. I vow to never let that happen again. I can't wait for the snow to melt and the winds to dry up the desert so I can venture back to my homeland.

I'm alive!

I have no idea why I haven't been writing. I love to write. putting my thoughts and experiences into words and posting them for the world to read has been my release. so, obviously, I'm pretty tense. I'm going to do my best to give you a very quick update on the past few months.

Thanksgiving was great. very small. both my parents, me, rachel, sam, amber and gregg. delicious food, lots of games and movies, and loads of sleep. I didn't take any pictures... strange.

in December I worked at a couple amazing events for Riehl Events and was offered a great job doing exactly what I was doing when I got laid off. the problem was that they paid a LOT less then I was making before and were located a lot father away. it was a tough decision, but I had to turn it down.

Christmas was pretty much amazing! stacy, wayne, nynaeve and trajan showed up over a day early and surprised me. we had a great time at my place for a few days and then headed to my dad's in Torrey.




we then headed to Hanksville for the Powell family Christmas party. turns out it was the last one we will ever have. I'm still really sad about it, but also excited to start traditions with just my immediate Ekker family.




the 26th is my grandpa's birthday and this year he turned 70! we made him a pretty sweet cake to celebrate. he's looking pretty darn good for 70!



it is brett's birthday on the 28th, so we made him this cake.

we did have a little bit of drama - of course. brett decided to wreck his friend's motorcycle and dislocate his shoulder. he scared all of us, and they told him he would probably need surgery, but he is doing ok now. no surgery, but his shoulder will always be a little disformed.

the last day there we had trajan and randee blessed. we even got to take a family picture!






look how big the Ekker clan is getting! crazy! it's amazing how close we all still are and how well we all get along. I love my family! I'm so lucky to have the one I do.