Tuesday, March 13, 2012

one smart and lucky girl

during my last grief therapy session we focused on bringing my best memories of dad out of hiding. this one was so good I had to immediately write it down so that I can go back to it whenever needed.

as soon as I graduated from college I packed up and moved to DC. it was my dream and I could not wait to start living it. I loved it there. it felt right. I was happy. it was the best two years of my life. but, suddenly one day it hit me like a ton of bricks that I needed to move home. the idea came out of nowhere. I intended on living in DC forever and I was very happy about it. but, once I realized that I needed to move home to be with my dad, the thought wouldn't leave me alone. it was like a cancer taking over my thoughts. so, I left my dream job, packed up my car, drove across the country and moved in with my dad in St. George.

during the 9 months or so that I lived there we had numerous long talks, pep talks and other education and philosophical adventures. I cherished every single one of them. but, there is one that stands out in particular. I was cooking dinner for my dad and brett and there was a history channel show on in the background about the historical and scientific accuracy of the bible. so, naturally, my dad and I were in a deep discussion about religion, history, science, the bible and philosophy. I both loved and hated these conversations. hated because I rarely presented arguments that my dad couldn't immediately quash. and loved because I learned so much from those conversations. I learned how to adequately speak my mind, a bunch of history, and a ton about my dad.

near the end of this conversation, just as I was plating his dinner, my dad looked at me and said, "this is why you're my favorite. you think for yourself, you aren't a sheep. and you're pretty damn smart too." ...in that moment I felt more joy and love than I ever have in my life. if I never heard a compliment again, I would be ok. he believed it and so did I. he loved me, and that was all I needed. life was good. and I was the luckiest girl in the world.

2 comments:

Amber Golden said...

Wow!!! Dad said it perfectly.

jaimey said...

Okay, I'm crying. I love this story, and it's so sweet and precious hearing in your words about your dad. And it's so tender, too, how much he understood you and loved you. I'm so glad you've recorded this memory forever. (And for me to read!) Thank you for sharing with me. :)