uncharted territory

For quite a while there I thought I would never post on my blog again. But I suddenly find myself in uncharted territory and in dyer need of somewhere to write about it. Writing has always helped me figure things out. It's a way to wade through the huge mess of thoughts and feelings that are overtaking me and using up all of my energy. There are things I think, but don't quite understand and things I remember and never want to forget. So... this is my place.

For the past eleven and a half years I have lived every day on edge waiting for my worst fear to come true. On January 20, 2012, my father passed away and that fear was realized. Now... everything is different. I am a different person. My life will never be the same, and I am still trying to figure out how, what, when, where, why... It's all confusing.

I was very lucky. I was able to live the first 30 years, 9 months and 9 days of my life with the most amazing father anyone could ask for. I am who I am because of him and I learned so many things that I have yet to take advantage of. I need to get it all down, burn it into my memory, never let it die. And then I need to live a life that would make my dad proud... This is what I resolve to do.