online dating horror story #1

as some of you may know, this actually happened a couple months ago, but I couldn't bring myself to write about it until now. although I've been doing the online dating thing for years, I still feel pretty self conscious about it and hesitate to admit it. so, here we go... hi. I'm Christa and I meet guys online. there, I said it.

I have met quite a few great guys this way - just enough to keep me from deleting my profile. but, usually the ones that aren't meant to be, are REALLY not meant to be. take this one for example:

John (not his real name) and I had been talking on the phone and texting for weeks before we actually met. he seemed like a great guy. very intelligent, funny, good looking, motivated, well-read, cultured. all the things I look for. I wasn't worried about anything on my way to the coffee shop that night. in fact, the only thing I could think about was whether I would have a job a week later.

he was late. I sat at the high boy for about 10 minutes, and then he called to say he was in line ordering a drink and would be right there. he didn't offer to buy me one, which never really dawned on me until just now... anyway, he came and sat down and we had great conversation, we laughed, and found we had more in common than we thought. I learned that he had only been divorced for a few months, was raised Catholic but converted to Judaism a couple years ago, and was a self-proclaimed wine expert. then, out of nowhere, he starts asking me about Star Wars. I have never seen the movies, nor do I want to. he is appalled and vows to watch all of them with me. I let him know it isn't necessary, I will continue to be ok having never seen them. he still insists.

I try to change the subject, and he brings up Lord Of The Rings. I have seen them and I enjoyed them. he says, "my ex-wife could speak elvish. it was a huge turn on." I was in shock. what? elvish isn't a real language. how nerdy is that? he continued, "I used to know it pretty well myself. I even have a tattoo." "wow," I say, "what is it of?" he points to his arm and says, "it's a band around my bicep. it has the inscription that is on the ring." I'm pretty sure my face gave everything away at this point. what kind of universe had we just entered? where was the guy I had been talking to the past few weeks? he nervously said, "I don't usually reveal that until the 3rd date at least." I can see why.

I changed the subject again. started talking about skiing. he loves it. I hate it. wanted to make that clear to him right then. and he begins talking about all the strange vacations he has been on and wants to take. he spent a week on a Navy ship in California pretending to be a sailor, and now he wants to go live at the Mars station in southern Utah. "WHAT?" I say. my dad works for them. nobody knows about that place. it's in the middle of nowhere and it's a weird NASA training spot. he can't believe I know about it and that my dad worked there and he says he likes me even more now. all I can do is picture him in a space suit walking around in the desert and converting his urine into drinking water for two weeks. ...not attractive to me. not. at. all.

as we were walking out to our cars he said he couldn't wait to see me again, and that he thinks I'm beautiful, and all that jazz. I smiled and waved. I couldn't wait for it to end! what the......? the next day as I was cleaning out the art room at work I received a text from him that read, "did you have an enjoyable enough time fort night?" I didn't even know how to answer that. what does that mean? who was this guy?? needless to say, I haven't seen this guy again. am I wrong to write him off? I don't think so!

here's to online dating and the great stories it brings into my life. let's all pray I'm not single for much longer, ok?